Vital preparation: Church helps couples explore the true meaning of Catholic marriage

CatholicAnchor.org
A recent article from the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate at Georgetown University found that Catholics divorce at a much lower rate than most other demographics but still, 29 percent of Catholic marriages end in divorce. That is problematic for a church that unequivocally affirms that marriage is lifelong and indissoluble.

To help ensure successful marriages in Alaska, the Archdiocese of Anchorage attempts to provide preparation and an understanding on the part of the couples as to what the church teaches.

Deacon Mick Fornelli leads the Catholic Engaged Encounter retreat for the Archdiocese of Anchorage. When working with couples, he suggests they read the section on marriage in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and come back with questions. This gives the couple, especially if one is not Catholic, a clearer vision of marriage.

“The Christian marriage is a sacrament, and we want couples to be well prepared,” he said.

The church affirms that marriage is a vocation — a specific calling by which individuals grow in holiness. According to the church, one’s vocation (to marriage, priesthood or as a religious brother or sister) is the path to holiness that God provides for personal sanctification and sanctification of the world. As such, embarking upon a vocation entails serious discernment and preparation, especially since there will likely be difficulties along the way.

Deacon Fornelli sees that often engaged couples are caught up in the moment of the beauty, joy and love but sometimes “miss the point that it’s not going to always be wine and roses.”

“There are going to be difficulties and bumps in the road,” he observed. “If they don’t know that this is going to be happen, it can be a much more volatile situation.”

The Catholic tradition of preparing for a vocation is not unique to marriage. When one is discerning a call to either priesthood or religious life, the church requires years of formation before they make irrevocable vows of service to the church. To become a priest, a man goes through six to eight years of training in seminary. Likewise, women or men seeking to enter religious life follow a similar formation period, embarking on years of training before making final vows.

When a couple pursues marriage, however, the period of preparation is comparatively short. This being the case, every meeting is vital to ensure the couple truly understands their vocation and the weight of their decision.

“We prepare (couples) to understand that in a Catholic marriage it’s not just about them,” Deacon Fornelli explained. “The three legs of a solid sacramental marriage are the husband, wife and God, who supports them along the bumps on the road.”

Catholic marriage preparation in the Anchorage Archdiocese typically begins by couples taking a compatibility inventory (usually called FOCCUS or Prepare and Enrich), which reveals strengths and weaknesses in their relationship in categories such as finance, faith and spirituality, family life, sexuality and problem solving. This inventory precedes a series of meetings with the parish facilitator, with points of discussion often centered on potential challenges. Finally, couples typically take a natural family planning class to inform and equip them in being open to children throughout their marriage. Couples also attend a weekend-long retreat with other engaged couples.

As Alaskans embark upon the summer wedding season, many couples are now in marriage preparation at local parishes. Two such couples: Patrick Klump and Alison Bilafer; and Dan Ryan and Beth Tappel, will marry this summer.

Both couples find marriage preparation to be enriching and helpful as they prepare for marriage.

Tappel said the wisdom and perspective of her priest is invaluable.

“Since my faith is a very important aspect of my life, it was helpful to have the priest walk you through what it means to be married in the church,” she said. “He was able to facilitate some good discussions between the two of us, and was also able to observe things about our relationship that we had not already thought about.”

Her fiancé, Ryan, said meetings with the priest reinforced what it means to be married in the Catholic Church and helped solidify the purpose of his vocation.

Likewise, the marriage preparation of Bilafer and Klump brought them to a deeper appreciation of marriage as a lofty and inspiring vocation.

“The marriage prep process helped Patrick and me understand more deeply how marriage is not just spending the rest of your life with the love of your life,” Bilafer said, “but a vocation that is ordered to our sanctity, and the welcoming and education of children.”