Talking to kids about sexuality

CatholicAnchor.org

I grew up the youngest (and probably the most spoiled) of five with parents who are now part of the “Greatest Generation.”     They were born in the late 1910s to the early 1920s. This was a generation that grew up during the Great Depression and experienced the unthinkable brutality of war. They came out of those times with great hope for prosperity and security and created the “baby boomers.”

Common for many of us “baby boomers” were the understood, yet little discussed, social and family norms — especially those with regards to sexuality.

As a society, certain social issues were not discussed even if everyone knew there was a problem, such as alcoholism, marital trouble, mental health concerns or sexual abuse of some kind. It’s not that these problems were always ignored or went without assistance. But the problem with keeping these topics out of conversation, even private conversations among parents and their children, is that children were not given the tools to address these issues or to seek help with them.

I bring this up because if we were raised with the understanding that some topics are too shameful or taboo to discuss, then we may find it uncomfortable to seek help if we need assistance with one of these issues. We also may avoid discussing these topics with our own children.

My children are in their early twenties and I asked my daughter if she recalls me talking to her about these issues. Her response to me was “not in so many words.”

I asked myself, when my children were younger, did I avoid certain topics or language because of my own discomfort? Did they understand the messages I was trying to relay to equip them to address the issues they would face as they grew up? However lacking I may have been when they were younger, it certainly is not too late to continue the conversation, recognizing their age, maturity and our developing relationships.

In my work for the safe environment ministry of the Anchorage Archdiocese and the Catholic Church, I encourage parents to talk with their children. I also provide age-appropriate information to children about their value, their sacredness and the importance of asking people they trust to help them when they feel mistreated or when they are exposed to things that make them uncomfortable. We call this program, “Circle of Grace.”

There is so much that can be gained from having open discussions with our children. These discussions need to be about more than what is right and what is wrong. We need to talk, in an age appropriate way, about the root causes of abuse, assault or violence and the warning signs.

It is important to communicate that even if someone has suffered harm or an unhealthy relationship, their value and sacredness in not diminished in the eyes of God. God’s grace is always there to help and heal them.

While much has changed in society, one positive development is that we are much more equipped now for those who have been harmed to come forward and find help.

If we address these issues similarly to how we discuss eating healthfully or wearing helmets — we may avoid anxiety when talking with our children. To do so in a loving, relaxed way, our kids may learn that these topics are important and okay to talk about. This may then give them confidence when dealing with situations as they arise.

For more information on safe environment issues, go to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops’ website at usccb.com

The writer is director of the Office of Safe Environment for the Archdiocese of Anchorage. To contact her, call 297-7736.