‘Till death do us part’

CatholicAnchor.org
More than a half century ago, Gilbert and Sandra Cragen first met in Juneau and Sandra agreed to go on a date. After a delightful dinner, she promptly fell asleep in the car.

“I wrote him off,” she remembered with mirth. “Who falls asleep on a date? But he called again.”

Recently the Worldwide Marriage Encounter (WWME) outreach honored the couple for being the longest nominated married couple in Alaska.

“I think I picked the right person, the perfect person for me,” Gilbert (known as “Gil”) conclusively stated. Sandra leafs through a book filled with photographs of her family. Gil sat in a rocking chair. Occasionally, he asked her to complete his sentences. After 54 years they are still in love.

“You have got to have a tremendous amount of love for each other. Being patient, talking things through, and taking care of each other,” Sandra noted as she attempts to explain why their marriage has thrived so long.

Gil added, “Commitment is a major part of it. You’re not going to go into it with the idea that, if you don’t like it, you can do something different.”

When they first began to discuss marriage, Gil told Sandra that he planned to spend his entire life in Alaska.

“I really thought about that,” remembered Sandra. “I was 23 years old. That’s a big commitment for someone in their 20s to make. But he was the most wonderful person I had ever known. So yes, I did commit to staying in Alaska forever.”

For the sake of unity, Gil, who was raised Baptist, began taking instruction in the Catholic faith in Juneau. Gil’s brother had also married into the faith, so Gil described the process as a “good feeling.”

“I wouldn’t live without my faith,” Sandra affirmed. “I depend on my faith around the clock every day. We brought all of our children up in the church.”

In those early years, Gil served in the Coast Guard and Sandra taught school children. Their first child arrived just 10 months after their wedding. Gil made the decision to leave the Coast Guard and embark upon a teaching career, ultimately focusing on administration.

Gil and Sandra described their early years as extremely frugal.

“We had a notebook and wrote everything down,” Sandra recalled. “We had envelopes for the various money amounts for rent, electric, food, etc. When the money was gone we didn’t spend until the next paycheck came in. We didn’t have credit cards and we didn’t establish credit.”

Sandra traveled into and out of teaching, taking long breaks to care for her children at home. When she became pregnant with her third baby, she quit teaching for 10 years. Raising children was a high priority.

“We were always very involved,” she explained. “We tried always to have dinner together. And almost always did.”

Sandra added: “We strived to be role models to our children. I knew I needed to teach my children what is good and right.”

Gil and Sandra did not accidentally stumble upon the truths that make for a successful marriage. Rather, they carefully cultivated a strong combination of intentionality, patience and communication — determined to foster in their own children and in each other the qualities they thought important.

Now, many years later, Gil and Sandra enjoy retirement and take opportunities helping to care for their 11 grandchildren. A few years ago, they took their entire family of 18 on an Alaskan cruise to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

They have also traveled the world, a dream of Sandra’s since even before their marriage. The trips afford cherished time to be together.

“A lot of couples ask, ‘How do you stand being together day and night?’ We’ve never felt that our spouse is in the way,” Sandra said. “We do most things together — we go most places together. We spend a lot of time together. We like to be together and that’s always been the case.”

In regards to the recent honor by WWME, the Cragens were quick to point out that many Alaskan couples have been married longer than them. They fondly look back, however, to the WWME weekend that they themselves attended almost 40 years ago.

“At the time, I thought I was getting roped into something and I didn’t know what was happening,” Gil admitted. “It turned out to be wonderful.”

As with all WWME weekends, communication was the focus.

“Communication is just really important — it is a way to express your feelings, disappointments and goals,” Sandra said. “If we’re mad, we’re not people who yell. We get silent and go about the day. We didn’t want to argue in front of the kids.”

Instead they would set aside time to communicate in a respectful way after the heated emotions dissipated.

“Above all,” Sandra noted, “compromise is a must. You can’t always have it your way.”