Anchorage Catholic parenting group explores how to communicate effectively with teens

CatholicAnchor.org
How to communicate meaningfully with one’s teen was the topic of last month’s Catholic parenting group at St. Benedict Church in Anchorage.

The monthly meetings explore pressing issues associated with modern parenting. Open to the public, the discussions are hosted by Liz Loeffler, campus minister and teacher at Lumen Christi High School, and Bob McMorrow, director of evangelization and catechesis at St. Benedict.

The next meeting on March 5 features a presentation with facilitated discussion on the topic: “Authentic Friendship.” The gathering runs 4-5:45 p.m. in Lumen Christi High School, room 109.

Below are responses from McMorrow and Loeffler about the February meeting that dealt with successes, failures, frustrations and ideas on how to improve communication with teens.

What insights came out of the recent meeting on communication with teens?

McMORROW: It was a common experience that parents desired a stronger communication with youth. Youth often give simple or one word answers when parents are trying to see how life is going. One of the main points of consensus was how important it was for the parents to communicate with each other — being on the same page is helpful. It was also pointed out how each child responds differently to various styles of communication.

LOEFFLER: Something all teens have in common is that their brains are still “under construction,” which has a great deal to do with why kids act and react as they do. Understanding the “why” of their thinking helps us understand better how to communicate with them. I was struck by the comfort expressed by all to talk with others who face the same challenges. We forget that all teens face many of the same issues to varying degrees. It is a relief to know our challenges with our kids are normal. Great ideas and techniques were shared by parents. An interesting point that came up is the difference between the parenting of mothers and fathers and how important it is for parents to communicate with one another.

What challenges were raised in terms of communicating with today’s teens?

McMORROW: It is hard to take time to communicate when everyone is so busy. Yet, parents had a strong desire to establish good communication with their teens. Making time and trying to cultivate good communication skills is essential.

LOEFFLER: It is difficult to remember that teens tune out our lectures and so we need to approach correction as more of a simple matter of fact action/consequence than an impassioned monologue. Our kids push back against our values, question faith, and want to be independent. It is difficult to discuss these things without frustration. The discussion is needed, however, for our teens to think things through. Another challenge is that often teens close down and don’t want to talk and as parents we want to force the conversation. There are times when teens need that quiet.

The next meeting on March 5 will cover “authentic friendship.” What does that have to do with parenting?

McMORROW: Youth are greatly influenced by their friends. Helping them develop healthy and authentic friendships is an important skill parents can assist with. At a time when technology seems to make the skill of sitting down to have a conversation or to share experiences more rare, it seems pertinent to discuss how to help our young people develop this skill.

LOEFFLER: It is important that our kids see us as parents — the role of friendship is different. But parenting is like authentic friendship in that true friends desire and work for the good of one another. They are loyal when difficulty arises. Loyal friends challenge one another to act as God calls us to act, even when it causes strain in the friendship. As parents we love our kids no matter what they do. This does not mean we accept everything — we are clear in our expectations and that often makes our kids sad or angry for the moment. We direct them, guide them, and sometimes carry them on the path of righteousness. Sometimes we are all kicking and screaming along this path.